I just re quote from what i wrote in instagram before.
For my memory. For your memory. For us to remember..
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To be able to watch my son sleeps on his own bed
has become something i truly appreciate since the past four months.
Personally, it was hard for me in the first month he was not at home,
everything was suddenly changed, i closed his room's door most of the
time because sometimes i couldn't bear the lonely feeling i had inside
looking at all his stuff in that small cube of his. I looked away
everytime i passed the room, denying the feeling i had inside.
I
took it slowly, day by day and strive myself best to adapt to the new
routine without him. I remember the first month was the hardest. I tried
my best not to cry missing him badly but to force a smile on my face
eventhough i was crying a bucket inside. I have this strong believe
about mom's prayers and i prayed and prayed alot for him, for me. Du'a
has now becomes part of me, my best friend and i recite it not only
after my solat five times a day, but i recite it anytime, wherever i go.
Because i wonderfully has witnessed and experienced myself the miracle
of a mom's prayers for so many times and how it has soothed me to went
through the days that have been written for us. I submitted to Allah
everytime i need to relieve. And nothing is more helpful than that. Only
with HIS help, alhamdulillah i become stronger than ever.
Now
i can put a sincere smile looking at his empty room, remembering all
the beautiful memories we had created there. No more sadness in my
heart but to always be grateful for all the blessings HE has showered
upon us. After all, setiap anak adalah pinjaman.
I also
learned that we as a mom faced the hardship differently from one
another, eventhough we think we are in sort of same situation. We all
are struggling and we struggle in our own battle. By any means, please
don't say we are doing better than anyone else. Just be kind and be good
to yourself and to others.
My son will be at home now
insyaAllah for three weeks. The longest holiday he had since he entered
the boarding school life. Now i know how much i must embrace this moment
with him and i realized i don't want to miss a thing. Not a single
thing. Appreciate now. Because little things matter. ❤❤❤
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